Parent to Parent: March 2010
March 1st, 2010 by Candice Baxter
Thanks to laptop computers and hand-held devices, parents have more flexibility — and connectivity — than ever. The fact is, we can leave the office but work never seems to leave us. So we multitask. We talk on our cells while we play with the kids. We make it to our child’s ball practice only to check our Blackberries and send emails from the bleachers.
Jonathan Thomas knows that juggling act all too well.
As a service engineer for Siemens Healthcare, Thomas works from a home base to do his job visiting regional hospitals. He likes the flexibility of having his office at home. But as the father of two toddlers, he must work at not letting the distraction of technology steal away quality time with his family.
“Providing for my family is first and foremost,” My children’s health and education, both of which come at a cost, are my primary concerns. I have been offered jobs that will give me a more stable schedule, but the pay and benefits would be cut. So for now, I plan ahead as much as possible to maximize time with my family.”
His reality is one all working parents face: How do you pay the bills and still be fully engaged at home?
Driven to distraction
A 2008 study conducted by the Society of Pediatric Psychology measured child supervision during periods of parental electronic distraction. In a simulated living room environment (with a TV and computer), researchers placed “risky” objects in the room: a knife, ladder, medicine bottle, spray cleaner, and lighter. Parents were instructed to supervise their child, view a short PowerPoint, and answer questions on the content.
Results showed that during computer distraction, parents made less eye contact, stayed a farther distance away, and engaged less with children. Risky behavior occurred every five minutes during parental distractions compared with every 15 minutes when a parent was not present.
Surprised? Neither were we.
Before having kids, Keith Tutor, a textbook sales rep for a major publishing company, could work anytime, all the time. He deals with universities across the Southeast and lives with his family in East Memphis. “I worked this job differently than when I was single,” Tutor says.
“Now that I have a wife and two kids, I force myself to stop working at 5 p.m. I don’t do another thing until everyone is fed, bathed, and in bed, including my wife. Then, I work from 10 p.m. until midnight, or 1 a.m. during the busy season.”
Staying unplugged isn’t always easy, but he says, “I just don’t want work to interfere with being a husband and a dad. So that’s how we do it at our house.”
Five ways to combat electronic overkill
Sharon Cindrich, author of the web site Plugged In Parent, says, “As the first generation of e-parents, we need to offer our children guidance when it comes to tech behavior. To do this is to practice good behavior ourselves. We need to look at our own tech habits and think about the message we’re sending our children.” Here are a few tips to minimize electronic distractions.
1.Time to unplug – Creating some no-tech time in the evenings and on weekends is important for the whole family. “At our house, we have a moratorium on electronics from 6 to 9 p.m.,” says Brian Fowler, father of three and managing director at Morgan Keegan. Provide allotted together time that doesn’t compete against work projects or television.
2. Encourage low-tech connections – Technology makes things easier, but children need to know how to connect in personal ways, too. Teach them how to write traditional a thank-you note, address an envelope, and let them put it in the mailbox. When traveling, mail home a handwritten letter, so kids can understand that it’s more meaningful than a text message.
3. No phone zone – Keep a small box with a lid in the car for depositing cell phones. When you declare a “No Phone Zone” at the park, the ball field, or the library, make sure everyone puts their hand-held devices in the box before getting out. Slide the phone keeper under a seat for safe keeping, and lock the doors.
4. Share the load – If your job demands increase during certain time periods, plan ahead for children to visit with relatives, friends, or neighbors. This increases their personal connections, and you don’t have to stop what you’re doing every 10 minutes. “I have a busy weekend once a month,” says magazine layout designer Lori Allen. “My husband takes the kids out of the house so I can get my work done. And it’s time for him and the girls to bond because he works late during the week.”
5. It works both ways – Sometimes work situations must be taken care of during family time. If you must focus on work after hours, be sure to balance it out by incorporating snippets of family time into your work life: Text your kids “hello” after school and send your spouse a thanks-for-understanding email, letting them know you are thinking about them during the day.
For more tips on parenting in the information age, visit pluggedinparent.com.