Adoption Profile
November 1st, 2009 by Jenni Betts Deming
After visiting a fertility specialist in 2005, Liz and Joshua Phillips discovered getting pregnant again would be a near impossibility. Even with donor eggs, the couple had what seemed like less than a 1 percent chance of conceiving through in vitro fertilization. But such discouraging news didn’t halt their dream of having another child.
With careful research and consideration, Liz and Joshua decided to adopt an infant from Ethiopia: “When we started looking at international adoptions, and we started looking at individual countries, Ethiopia presented us with this incredible combination of things that just seemed really great,” says Liz, of the country’s “family-focused culture,” and emphasis on connecting babies with families as soon as possible.
Journey to Africa
Officially beginning the adoption process in the spring of 2006, Liz and Joshua would wait nearly two years before boarding an Africa-bound plane to finally meet their son, Solly (short for Solomon), in July 2008.
The Phillips also knew they wanted to involve their biological son, 5-year-old Gus, in this overseas adventure. That decided, Granddad (Liz’s father) also came along to support Gus, and to ensure he had someone there just for him during this transition.
“Gus was worried about the trip beforehand,” says Liz, of her young son who was anxious over getting vaccinated and taking a long plane ride. “But once he was in it, I think he found the whole thing pretty exciting. And now he really likes being able to say that he did that.”
Liz remembers waking up during that long July flight and seeing the vast Sahara Desert below. Once they landed in Ethiopia, the smell of “wood smoke and diesel” overwhelmed her senses, the Muslim call to prayer echoed in the distance. This was Solly’s homeland.
Shortly after their arrival, Liz, Josh, Gus, and Granddad finally got to meet their beloved new addition. Liz, naturally worried about this first introduction, couldn’t help but wonder, “Is he going to accept us?” But her fears were quickly quelled by Solly’s sweet smile. Liz remembers the 6-month-old seeming unfazed by the experience which was so life-changing for his new parents.
Building a connection
After 10 wonderful days in Ethiopia, it was time for the couple to bring their expanded family back to the U.S., and time to figure out how to adjust within their new life.
Back in Memphis, Liz didn’t notice any real issues pertaining to their new blended family (Solly being black and the rest of the family being white), but she did have to get more deliberate about surrounding Solly with family friends and mentors who looked like him.
“[Interracial adoption] pushed us out of our comfortable, easy friendship circle,” she says. “Because we have Solly, we have to work harder at making sure that we have a really diverse group of friends and acquaintances.” Liz says that’s a good challenge for any parent, though, not just families who adopt a child outside their race.
Once home, the new mom also had to learn how to bond with Solly in her own way. With Gus, Liz experienced pregnancy and breast-feeding — now she had to learn to bond differently with her second child: “With Solly, both of us were having a more father-type experience. Because of that, my husband adjusted to it a lot more quickly than I did.”
And big brother Gus continues to adjust just like any big bro around his toddler-aged sibling, says Liz. “Sometimes Gus thinks Solly is adorable and sweet and loves to play with him; but I would say 90 percent of the time, he just thinks his little brother is a pest.”
But even in those pesky moments, Liz finds joy.