Make Time for You
October 2nd, 2009 by Stephanie Painter
In the early days of her career, Renée Peterson Trudeau was a Type A public relations professional, always looking for the next big coup for her clients. But with motherhood, and the discovery that she was consumed by her job, she changed her career focus. She is now a life balance coach in Austin, Texas, and author of the award-winning The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life. Thousands of women around the U.S. and Canada are starting or joining Personal Renewal Groups that are based on her book. Trudeau has found that many women are looking for ways to create balance and well-being in their lives.
Trudeau believes practicing self-care can provide real benefit for you and your family. But your to-do list must leave room for mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional self-care. If you can do that, positive changes will be the result. During a recent interview, she shared her ideas on self-care and the valuable support systems we all need.
Memphis Parent: Women often feel they can’t, or shouldn’t, take time out for themselves. Why do you consider self-care so crucial?
Trudeau: Self-care is based on the principle that when we make choices to support our total well-being (physical/mental/emotional/spiritual), we can live, love, and parent from our “best selves.” To be clear, self-renewal is more than just getting pedicures. It’s about getting in touch with your needs, whether that means time for quiet reflection, regular dates with your partner, ongoing emotional support, walking with a friend three times a week, or taking advantage of a monthly mom’s night out.
Memphis Parent: How do women fit self-care into a busy schedule?
Trudeau: First, be gentle with yourself. Making the shift to integrating self-care into your life and schedule is huge (and usually requires a big internal shift and realization that you’re worth this before it become habitual).
If you were to view yourself as a small child, someone you have the deepest compassion for, how would you nourish and nurture that child? Start by looking at the four areas of self-care and corresponding examples listed below.
Close your eyes and reflect on what in your life is calling to you right now. Which area most needs your attention? Then, begin with baby steps, get support, schedule self-care on your calendar each week and know that starting a self-care practice is one of the most profound life changes you can ever make. (You can read more about my personal journey to self-care at mothersguide.blogspot.com.)
Examples of the four areas of self-care from my book, The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal:
Physical Renewal
Eat foods that nourish your body; get enough sleep and make sure you’re hydrated.
Emotional Renewal
Create time for heart-to-heart talks with close friends or mentors. Ditch self-criticism or judgmental thinking about your actions and thoughts.
Spiritual Renewal
Take a walk in a park or out in nature; meditate or pray.
Mental Renewal
Challenge yourself: sign up for a class, group or workshop and learn something new.
Memphis Parent: Many women address one or two areas, say they exercise and eat well, but may overlook spiritual or emotional care.
Trudeau: Women are often surprised to learn about the importance of emotional and spiritual self-care. The most important thing is that you get in touch with what area you most need to focus on at your current life stage (depending on your age, the age of your kids and your overall life picture, this will change frequently). You don’t need to do something in each area all the time, just hone in on where your greatest need is right now.
Memphis Parent: You write that the importance of women having support systems. How do we tap into our resources and build strong support systems?
Trudeau: Support is crucial to balanced living and has a huge impact on your overall sense of well-being. Your personal support system may include:
• Professional/personal mentors
• Work/life balance, business, parenting or career coach
• Friends with kids and friends without kids
• Neighbors
• Play groups or social groups specifically for parents
• Parenting education groups/activities/instruction/support
• Babysitting co-ops (start one in your neighborhood)
• Child-care providers (centers, home-based, babysitters) and pediatricians
• Therapist, counselor, and/or support groups (12-step and others)
• Spiritual mentors/groups or community
• Online support communities, teleclasses
• Family members
• Meal co-ops (start one in your neighborhood) and meal delivery programs
• Women’s health specialists (physicians, chiropractors, acupuncturists, menopause/hormone health specialists, nutritionists, personal trainers, massage therapists)
When creating a support network, keep in mind:
• Everyone’s support system will look different; this is about what you need to feel fully supported where you are right now
• Your support system will change depending on your life stage, current needs and the age of your children and parents (if involved in their care as well).
• Choose friends/colleagues whom you admire for their experience/insight to be in your network and enlist the support of those whose lives reflect the values/beliefs you admire.
• Your support system may/may not include your family—they are only one of the many sources for support.
Memphis Parent: Many women find it hard to say ‘No’ when asked to take on yet another project or cause. Is our culture’s stress on external achievement part of the problem?
Trudeau: I think so. We just launched a global campaign called Live Inside Out to encourage families to live more intentionally (learn more at liveinside-out.com).
More than ever, thousands of us are hitting the pause button and reflecting on what’s really important in life. We’re realizing our external environment can change on a dime. And, we’re seeing how essential it is that our actions, words and thoughts align with our internal wisdom and core values.
I believe that our inner life should be as rich as our outer life. This means:
- living more intentionally
- living a life driven by your internal values, vs external or societal values
- living from a place of peace over a place of fear (and making decisions that reflect this)
- responding to circumstances, rather than reacting to them.