When Daddy Comes Home
June 1st, 2009 by Susan Elswick
If your family is like mine, you’ve been feeling the financial crunch of the economy. Pay cuts and layoffs have forced many families to restructure their lifestyles. Those who once thrived on two incomes are now holding tight as one or both jobs are dangled over the shredder. So perhaps my story will sound familiar.
Six months ago, my husband was laid off from his job with a national coffee company. This was not our first encounter with the finicky service industry. For years we moved from state to state as my husband climbed the corporate ladder. Always working hard to improve our finances, he never said “No” to opportunity. When we were young, we envisioned the payoff of a six-figure salary, with the big house and possessions that would bring.
A blessing in disguise
My husband’s job was very demanding. He was rarely off on holidays, and never on our birthdays or anniversaries. But as the breadwinner, he learned to sideline his hobbies, his family (who live in South Carolina), even his health, all in an effort to get ahead.
This seemed to work fine — until we had our first child. Then each promotion meant he couldn’t participate fully in the lives of our children — and that took a toll on both of us.
Now I know what you may be thinking, “How can being laid off be a blessing?” Well, for our family it has been. Always fearful we could never make it on one income, it was mind-boggling initially. It didn’t feel like a blessing at first. Instead, it felt scary, very scary. We tried to keep the kids in day care full time, thinking this would be better than pulling them out.
Though my husband continued to apply for work, nothing came through. Finally we sat down and discussed the idea of his becoming a “stay-at-home dad.” My husband was very enthusiastic, almost giddy, about finally being able to spend time with the kids. I was skeptical at first, worried about how long he’d be happy before feeling bored or overwhelmed. Six months later, my husband continues to care for our children and home, while I fulfill my dream of “changing the world.”
From survive to thrive
I am ashamed of myself for having any doubts that he would survive. Sometimes, society as a whole doesn’t give fathers the credit they deserve. My husband once told me he noticed how magazines, television commercials, and advertisements always painted father’s as being absent-minded, messy loafers. As I started to see his point of view, I realized he was correct, we don’t appreciate the things dads do.
My husband moved from the management world into a role that fits him equally well: He’s a wonderful cook, a decent housecleaner, an amazing musician and photographer, and most importantly, a great dad. This is the most fun we’ve had in our marriage. We eat our meals together as a family, my husband coaches the church soccer team, and our children know they matter in his life because he is there. Even though we’ve had to make adjustments, by shopping and eating out less often, our family life is much more rewarding.
So if you are in the midst of a similar financial transition, try to see this time as an opportunity to bond as a family or try something new. Here are some tips on making this change easier:
Transition Tips
Check your spending habits. Getting on a budget and working towards financial independence is important. There are many local resources that can help, but my husband and I have always enjoyed the Dave Ramsey show on 990 AM. As a financial advisor, Ramsey’s been through tough times and speaks about the importance of becoming debt free. Learn more about his classes and books at daveramsey.com.
Teach financial fitness to your children. Many parents are unsure whether they should discuss finances with their children. But it’s important children understand that the things they want cost money, and people must work in order to earn money to pay for things. This would be a good time to discuss a chore chart and identify jobs they can do at home to earn money.
Build an emergency fund. Start off with $1,000 in a mini savings account. After you have paid down some of your debt, grow your savings to cover three to five months of expenses. This will provide a cushion should you be laid off in the future.
Look for inexpensive ways to have fun. Memphis is full of free family activities (see our Boredom Busters story on page 18 for starters). The Memphis Zoo as well as the local museums all offer free days or discounted admission. Visit memphis.about.com/od/thingstoseeanddo/tp/free.htm for more ideas.
Clip those coupons. I was skeptical at first, but my husband has saved a lot on groceries by clipping coupons, using a Kroger Card for food and gas discounts, and buying in bulk at Sam’s or Costco.
Use your talents to earn supplemental income. My husband is a talented photographer and researcher, and he’s been able to find paying jobs doing both. Post hobbies and crafts on-line for sale at etsy.com; look for on-line writing opportunities that can be done from home.
Take time for yourself. Make sure you take time to do things you love and just relax. Everyone needs time to themselves doing things they enjoy, so do this for each other.
Be inventive. While my children were in day care, I offered to teach parenting classes and teacher trainings in exchange for a discount in day-care fees. This helped us out, and I got to share my knowledge with others.
Be thankful. Love each other and recognize all you have to be thankful for. Taking a positive approach to life and thinking optimistically about the future is not only healthy but reportedly leads to more positive outcomes.
Tags: fired, inexpensive, laid off, saving money