A Lesson Before Crying
June 1st, 2009 by Jenni Betts Deming
On a sleepy Saturday afternoon, a group of thirty-something guys begin trickling into a classroom at Baptist Memorial Hospital for Women where pepperoni pizza and baby dolls await. These otherwise-savvy Memphis businessmen are about to be schooled — in the art of baby care.
They’re taking part in the Dynamic Dads workshop, a free class sponsored by Christ Community Health Services’ Families Matter program, in which dads-to-be can connect with and learn from veteran fathers. Here, no questions are wrong, no subjects taboo, and no girls are allowed — well, except for this pesky reporter.
“Frankly, I’m just clueless about all this,” admits attorney Ed Davison with an embarrassed smile when asked what brought him to the class. A bit of nudging from his pregnant wife didn’t hurt either.
Physician Andre Thompson came out of curiosity. “I just wanted to be prepared,” he says. And pilot Nathan Wright “wanted to know how to care for [my] wife when she gets home.”
Unlike the others, senior systems engineer Chris Layton is already behind on his homework. His daughter, Gwenyth, arrived last month. “I feel like I’ve had a crash course,” says Layton. “My wife had a C-section that wasn’t planned so she was out of commission for a few days and I had to do the diapering and the soothing and the walking and the rocking. I’m here mainly to get more information from dads who have been there, done that.”
Like father, like son
While the men sit in a semicircle, instructor Ivory Jackson, the father of seven, opens the three-hour class with a revealing conversation starter. He asks each to talk about their own father-son relationship. While some describe doting dads, most, including Ivory and fellow teacher Herman Jackson, portray hardworking men who took a more hands-off approach to child rearing.
“What I learned from my father was to provide,” says Herman, a soft-spoken father of six. “He was a good provider but a lot of things I just had to learn on my own.”
And learn he did. Years ago, with three preschool-aged children at home, Herman’s wife Carol surprised the family with the birth of triplets on April Fool’s Day. The joke (apparently) was on him.
Herman tells the story of a week when his wife had to go out of town, leaving him home alone to care for all six children, all under the age 6. He took off from work and recruited his older youngsters to help with the three babies.
“It was pretty rough, but we managed it,” he says with a grin.
A father’s role
Ivory too, jokes of his adventures in fatherhood. During the birth of his first child, Ivory depicts himself a little differently than the seasoned dad he is today.
“I went into the birth room and I thought I was so strong, but after I actually saw the child being born, they had to get me a wheelchair,” he says of his woozy collapse. “It made me appreciate what the mother had to go through.”
One major point Ivory emphasizes to the new dads is the importance of loving and supporting their wives, and to realize their own role in raising this new life.
“We tell them to not just rely on the mother to care for the child, because your responsibility is equal,” says Ivory.
Practice makes perfect
To give rookie dads a taste of their fatherly responsibilities, Ivory and Herman bring out the baby dolls. Each student receives a doll, a Velcro diaper, and an infant T-shirt that reads “This Side Up.” Ivory demonstrates a safe baby-hold, placing one hand gently under the doll’s head, as his other cradles the doll’s back.
One inventive student exhibits a baby football hold to the class. The doll’s head strains at an unnatural 45-degree angle, while the rest of the body is downturned on dad’s extended forearm. Papa looks so proud.
The teachers trade uneasy glances.
“Support the head,” Ivory repeats, as the men coddle their fake kids.
Then it’s on to diapering. Herman recalls his cloth diapering days, one challenge these dads won’t have to face.
Closing time
As the men regroup for a session wrap-up, Ivory runs down a host of baby reminders, including tips on circumcision, pets, in-laws, sex, and team work. The discussion then jumps to daycare, prompting a fresh round of questions. “Who takes off work if the baby is sick?” “How do I manage all the visitors after birth?” “Which daycare is best?”
While the questions seem never-ending, for now these fathers-to-be must leave the protective womb of paternal advice and answer one last question.
Are they ready for fatherhood?
On his way out the door, software engineer Alan Earwood hesitates briefly. “I have some more classes to go,” he says shyly, and walks on.
Interested in attending Dynamic Dads? Workshops are scheduled on the following dates:
- Saturday, July 18
- Saturday, September 19
- Saturday, November 14
Classes meet every other month on Saturday from 12:30-4 p.m. at Baptist Memorial Hospital for women.
For more information, call Families Matter program director Carol Jackson at 260-8520. christcommunityhealth.org.
Tags: classes, first time fathers, parenting