Dying on the Inside
February 1st, 2009 by Memphis Parent
Laurie Halse Anderson is used to tackling difficult subjects. Her book Twisted examined a boy’s relationship with his father and Speak, sexual assault. Her writing taps into the pain and isolation some teens experience growing up. An active blogger, Anderson says she spends an hour every day responding to her readers who often give voice to their own struggles on her website, writerlady.com. Her newest title, Wintergirls, explores the suffocating, obsessive culture of eating disorders.
“I understand teen alienation,” she says. “I’ve had a lot of body issues through the years myself and still struggle with making peace with that, especially when I’m tired and hear the whispers that say, ‘Look at your thighs.’ ”
Wintergirls tells the story of 18-year-old Lia, who, in losing her best friend Cassie (with whom she’s shared an eighth-grade passion to be the skinniest girl in class), slowly descends into bulimia. Every day is a battle of wills as she struggles to conquer her quest to be thin and reach the next level of perfection — without attracting the attention of her parents or pesky kid sister. How she artfully dodges mealtime and the willful ways her mind works to make her body obey is riveting. Anderson’s writing is punchy and tight, her characters well-crafted, even funny at times. She ultimately presses our face against a window to a world many of us would rather pretend didn’t exist — if it weren’t that Lia could be our child.
Anderson is the 2009 Scott O’Dell Award Winner for Chains. I spoke with her from her home in upstate New York.
Memphis Parent: Adults are often in the dark when their daughters (or sons) begin to struggle with an eating disorder. Why the communication breakdown?
Laurie Halse Anderson: Sometimes, something dramatic has to happen before parents realize what’s going on. A kid is skinny; are you going to worry about that? Part of it is the adolescent journey, the need teens have to break away from their parents. Many families are overwhelmed by financial issues or keeping their kids busy, technology also keeps them at bay. And at this age, kids can be secretive and develop magnificent strategies to look like they are eating. They do an excellent job keeping this part of their life hidden from view.
MP: You’ve raised four children who are now in their late teens and 20s. How did you keep lines of communication open?
LHA: My family had a code phrase. “Mom, don’t freak out, but…” The message to me was not to go off but to listen, to be very present, and not to judge. When a parent wigs out, you’re shutting the door to your child. Which isn’t to say there weren’t consequences when my kids screwed up, but I made a safe environment for them to talk about their issues.
MP: We tend to think as kids get older, they don’t want to please us. Do you think that’s the case?
LHA: No. I hear from many kids who say when they’re facing something hard, they don’t want to disappoint their parents. But they can’t find a way to let their parents know they’ve let them down, so in a sense, they’re trying to protect them.
There’s a disconnect. Teens are getting good grades but dying on the inside. It’s a life of alienation because their outside life isn’t connected to their interior life. The larger issue is our culture doesn’t allow people to fail. Though failure is human, we’ve taught our kids what they need to do to make parents look good: Excel. In school, on the field, at a job — but none of these address the issue of the heart and soul.
MP: What separates eating disorders from other behaviors, like drinking or drugging?
LHA: If you drink or are promiscuous, society says, ‘That’s bad behavior.’ But lose weight and you’re rewarded with lots of praise. You’re doing something others want to do — and receiving that praise feels good.
These girls perceive themselves as strong, which in a way they are. It’s hard to deny yourself food when you’re body is screaming for it. Also, chemical changes take place in the brain that can mess with your perception of reality. Once that takes place, it’s a long road back.
MP: Many teens share their angst with you. How do you respond?
LHA: Often girls feel like they don’t have someone to share that with. I write back and affirm what they’re feeling and ask them to reflect on who they can talk to. If a kid is reaching out to me, they can reach out and talk to someone in their life.