My 22-month-old daughter has decided to potty train herself. I suppose I should be rejoicing. But instead, I’ve been making frantic calls for help to my family and friends. I worry she’ll leave “presents” on the fancy rugs we’ve placed around the house. I have reason to worry. This is the same child who pooped with the precision of a professional archer — right in front of our shiny new refrigerator. When I discovered this, she was, ah, examining her work, just inches from the kitchen carpet. I’ve also found my darling stretched out on the floor, her pull-up in a heap, daintily wiping herself with a tissue. Forgive me, but I think this is why they’re called the terrible twos.

My daughter is not poorly supervised, mind you, just lightning fast. Her tactics befuddle her 9-year-old brother, who thinks his kid sister is brilliant. But I’m beginning to wonder if I decorated the house too soon. When she pulls her disappearing act, my husband and I frantically search the house just to make sure she’s still fully clothed. I’ve even toyed with the idea of putting the baby cage back up.

Am I ready for her to be potty trained?

According to the experts, my princess is doing it all right — and our response is all wrong. In the newly released Stress Free Potty Training by Dr. Peter Stavinoha and Sara Au, the authors provide a checklist to help parents gauge their reaction to such testy potty episodes (and for the record, screeching at the top of your lungs is not a recommended response). Stavinoha, a clinical neuropsychologist, assures me that my reaction is normal, especially if you view potty training as a “discrete” process.

“Acknowledging that your child is in control, and parents are mere facilitators, is the first key to stress-free potty training,” Stavinoha states. Secondly, knowing your child’s temperament is helpful. To that end, the authors include a handy checklist to help you determine whether your child is goal-directed, strong-willed, internalized sensory-oriented, or impulsive. Temperament is largely what helps children meet developmental milestones.

So how is my stress decreased knowing my toddler is running things? In easy-to-follow chapters, they offer parents a peek into the mind of the toddler, helping to understand how our pint-sized poopers view potty training. They also provide conversational tips so you can talk about toileting with words that will help motivate your child.

For the record, my princess is “strong-willed” and “goal-oriented.” One day she’s all about the potty, the next day she’s not. She’s clearly very curious about elimination, but whether she’s ready to be trained is unclear. Mostly, we need to relax. Stavinoha advises taking my little one to the bathroom often, letting her sit, praising her, and then, moving on.

Easier said than done.

Of course, as is the case with most child-rearing topics, there are opposing views. Experts like psychologist Linda Sonna believe letting the child lead in potty training is a recipe for failure. Sonna is the author of 10 parenting books, including Early Start Potty Training. She says potty training requires specific parental guidance and hands-on instruction and is an advocate for putting children on a more structured mealtime schedule. She also says to eliminate all-day sippy cups, since you won’t know when your child needs to go. Instead, take them to potty 10 minutes after drinking. Before disposable diapers were so widely used, children were typically potty trained between ages 1 and 2, when they could walk to the potty. Now, potty training comes later because diapers put toddlers out of touch with the feeling of elimination.

She suggests beginning at around 12 months of age with Potty Practice Time: five minutes on the potty to help the child learn to relax while sitting.

She also suggests potty chairs over potty seats, which can feel unstable. (If using a potty seat, have a footstool available.) Another tip is “keeping it natural,” which means letting your toddler go naked from the bottom down, and offering special potty-time toys to encourage them to relax.

Stavinoha assures me that there’s no research showing children have been scarred for life thanks to training that took place either too early or too late (because of pressure from Mommy’s friends who swear they’ve never met a 3-and-a-half-year-old who’s not potty trained). “Early potty training does not equal good parenting,” shes says. So relax and remember, the end goal: to have a happy, independent, and competent child.

Potty Training Resources

Stress-Free Potty Training by Dr. Pete Stavinoha and Sara Au. The “The Real Parenting Show with Dr. Pete & Sara” podcast via the Parents Everywhere Network or TheRealParentingShow.com.

Early Start Potty Training by Dr. Linda Sonna.

Potty Train Your Child in Just One Day by Teri Crane. This is in its 10th printing and is great if your child responds and you can find a doll that goes potty!

My Big Girl/Boy Potty by Joanna Cole. This is a nice easy read with your child.

Baby Bjorn Potty Chair available locally at Mango Street Baby in Germantown and Babytime in Cordova

1. Talk about toileting. Take your child to the potty with you. Watch for signs of interest  in potty training.

2. Use real underwear. It’s messy, so be prepared with extra clothes, socks, and shoes.

3. Praise your child for sitting, even if he produces nothing.

4. Put the potty where your child is happy and relaxed, like the kitchen.

5. Create a schedule for taking him to the potty.   Ask regularly if he’s interested in sitting.

6. If you use rewards like M&M’s, make them visible but not accessible until your child has pottied.

7. Relax, don’t be rigid about the process, and remember, all kids become potty trained eventually!

Tags: potty training

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 1st, 2009 at 12:00 pm and is filed under 0-2, Baby Page, Columns, Lessons. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.